"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
I saw this quote on someone's facebook status today and immediately connected to it because it is exactly what I'm trying to do these days. I just got back from workshop weekend/TN Outstanding Teen pageant..and for the first time in 4 years, I wasn't there as a competitor. I thought I might feel sad or regretful for not competing, but suprisingly I felt relief and a sense of peace about the decision I made not to compete this year. However, I was incredibly nervous about being there because I have gained weight since I stopped competing, and my weight was always my struggle when I was competing. I am a very confident person, but for some reason, I was so intimidated and scared of what people there were going to think about my weight. I know that "pageant weight" is not normal weight, but for the last 4 years, "pageant weight" was normal to me because I was trying SO HARD to be perfect. So now, I am trying to figure out what healthy, normal weight is for me. I know it isn't where I am now because unfortunately my jeans don't fit these days! I also know it isn't where I am right now because I literally eat everything I wasn't "supposed" to eat for the last 4 years! haha! And I can count on one hand how many times I've been to the gym since September! I think after so many years of eating grilled chicken and veggies twice a day - and 2 hours a day, everyday in a gym - I just got burned out - and well, I became a true rebel of healthy eating and exercise habits and hopped on the junk food band wagon!
So...it's time to figure out what works for my lifestyle (and wardrobe). And I'm hoping that if I share it with other people, that I will actually stick to it (b/c I have said "my diet starts Monday" almost every other week for 4 months)! So, this time it's not a diet! This time it is going to be healthy choices - not eating out as much - smaller portions (lol) - and exercising at least 3 times a week for now. I also just want to feel better about myself and I always feel better physically and emotionally when I'm working out regularly.
So, back to the quote at the top - I'm officially throwing perfection (and pageant weight) out the window because it will never happen, and I am going to figure out what to do to make myself feel beautiful, regardless of what the "judges" think!